


am I only dreaming?

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6171343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five years since Obi-Wan Kenobi saw Darth Vader. Now, in the deserts of Tatooine, he finds a seemingly amnesiac Anakin Skywalker who doesn't know of his fall. </p><p>Can he and Padmé save him once and for all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and in my dreams I've kissed your lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan finds a crashed ship in the desert. 
> 
> What happens next will send his world crashing down.

Obi-Wan’s eyes bulged as he looked down at the man before him.

 

Laying, with his head at an odd angle, unruly hair covering his face, cracked mask beside him, half his body still stuck in the ship, was none other than Anakin Skywalker.

 

_Darth Vader,_ he had to remind himself.

 

Obi-Wan froze, unable to process his situation.

 

One of the most dangerous men in the galaxy was unconscious beneath his feet.

 

_What should I do?_

 

A part of him screamed; _Kill him! He can’t fight back! It isn’t the man you knew! End him right here and now - end the suffering!_

 

But another part screamed back; _You know you can’t do it… like you couldn’t before… you still love him…_

 

He unconsciously reached for his lightsaber and activated it, but before he could choose what to do next, Vader began stirring. 

 

Obi-Wan looked at the man, his whole body shaking.

 

He looked so… _weak_.

 

Vader moaned and looked up, eyes shining a youthful blue, eyes that didn’t look like they belonged on a Sith mass murderer. 

 

They looked up at him, alit with warmth… confusion… but _warmth_.

 

“M… Master?” Vader spoke.

 

_ItsoundslikeAnakinbutit’snotAnakinyouknowit’snot._

 

“Where am I? What happened?” he coughed, “Why are you pointing that at me?”

 

Vader reached up and began touching Obi-Wan’s face. “You look different.” he chuckled weakly, “How long was I out for?”

 

For once in his life, Obi-Wan was speechless.

 

“Master? Are you okay?”

 

_He’s tricking you. He sounds just like him… but he’s just trying to get your guard down._

 

Obi-Wan pointed the lightsaber at his former apprentice and snarled, “Darth, you can stop pretending, I know it’s you.”

 

“Darth,” said the man with genuine confusion, “Who's that?”

 

_ A Sith...?   _ w as the unspoken thought.

“Stop it!” Obi-Wan yelled with uncharacteristic anger, “Stop pretending your him!”  


 

“…Master… I’m worried… _what happened_?”

 

“You know very well…”

 

“Did someone hurt you?”

 

“You’d know.”

 

“Master!” the man yelled, not in anger but in worry, “Tell me!”

 

A tiny voiced nudged Obi-Wan; _Maybe it really is him. Maybe he really can’t remember._

 

So Obi-Wan did something he never thought he'd do. He made a rash decision, deciding to give the Sith the benefit of the doubt.

 

“Anakin?” he whispered.

 

“No, it’s Yoda,” he said sarcastically.

 

_ Anakin? _

 

Obi-Wan sat in stunned silence for a moment, before he started to pull the younger man out. “Let me…” he groaned, “Get you… out!”  


 

He wasn't sure quite what happened next, but Anakin was suddenly right on top of him. The two quickly jumped apart and Anakin groaned in pain.

 

He looked terrible.

 

“Anakin, you had a bad crash.”

 

“I gathered that.”

 

He helped him up, “Come back to my place, I’ll try and fix you up.”  


 

“Master… your place? What do you mean? Our place is the Temple!”

 

_Oh Poodoo._

 

“Anakin… what’s the last thing you remember?”  


Anakin looked deep in thought for a moment before giving a silent _oh, “_ We were going to visit Pad- Senator Amidala. We’d been assigned to protect her.” Obi-Wan noticed the red on Anakin’s cheeks, before letting his words sink in.

 

_ Oh Kriff. _

 

Obi-Wan had assumed that if he really did lose his memory it stopped at some point during the Clone Wars. But no.

 

_He didn’t remember any of it._

 

How was he going to explain the past few years to him?

 

A faint " _Master"_ snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

"I’ll explain everything later, I promise.” Obi-Wan’s voice cracked, “Just come with me.”

 

Anakin nodded and stumbled along behind Obi-Wan towards the house he lived in with Padmé.

 

_ He and Padmé… _

 

_ …and Luke and Leia. _

 

How was he going to explain any of this to him? It would tear him apart.

 

What would Padmé think? Would she believe it was him?

 

** Was it? **

 

That bitter voice was still yelling, _He’s probably just playing you! Kill him!_

 

Obi-Wan knew it was a possibility, that Vader was playing a devious trick to finally kill him.

 

But his eyes.

 

They were Anakin’s.

 

Looking at them, Obi-Wan knew he couldn’t just kill him or leave him.

 

But the rugged face and sharp features still had him instinctively placing one hand over his lightsaber just in case.

 

“Master, you seem worried.”  


 

Obi-Wan was surprised to hear Anakin speak again.

 

_Anakin speak. Something you thought you’d never hear again. It sounds like him, it has to be!_

 

Obi-Wan turned around to face his former apprentice, who, for once, was struggling to keep up.

 

He smiled softly, “Oh well, it’s been a long day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I plan an entire fic, then write a completely different fic on a whim huh?
> 
> Anyway, amnesia may be over used as a plot device to a comical degree but I don't fucking care.
> 
> I just need a way for the baes to be happy.
> 
> For those of you wondering ROTS happened as in canon up until near the end; Padmé lived and went into hiding with Obi-Wan on Tatooine and Obi-Wan ran away on Mustafar so Vader didn't get all crispy.
> 
> I'm not sure how long this'll be. Ahsoka will proabably come in at some point, there may be a time skip to the ANH era. All I know is ObiAniDala is end game, because OT3 man.
> 
> Next time, in my shitty fic, Padmé finds out that Anakin (not Vader) is back and angsty shit.
> 
> Yay.


	2. sometimes you picture me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padmé has a lot on her mind. She doesn't expect a guest.

Anakin Skywalker was having a bad day.

 

Well, bad wasn’t exactly the right word, just _confusing._

 

He woke up in a crashed starfighter, feeling like every bone in his body was broken, only to find his Master, looking a few years older, pointing his lightsaber at him, calling him 'Darth'.

 

Confusing.

 

From what he could gather, it was a few years in the future and he’d lost his memory.

 

_ Great. _

 

But that still didn’t explain the name-change or the fact that Obi-Wan seemed to be living on kriffing Tatooine of all places.

 

What had happened to the Galaxy?

 

What had he been doing before the Crash?

 

Where were the Jedi?

 

Obi-Wan didn’t seem to be in the mood to give him any straight answers, so he’d just have to stay in the dark for now.

 

After a long time walking, they finally reached Obi-Wan’s house.

 

Well, house didn’t seem to be the right word. It was more a hut. A very cramped, dank looking hut.

 

“You live here?” Anakin snickered.

 

“It’s not like it was exactly my choice.”

 

What did he mean by that?

 

Obi-Wan then turned to face Anakin and placed his hands on his shoulders, causing himself to visibly wince.

 

Anakin wondered what was troubling him so much.

 

Obi-Wan took in a breath and then said, “Anakin… I… a lot had happened in the most few years… things which… well if you _are_ telling the truth…”

 

It took all of Anakin’s willpower not to be offended at that.

 

“…Well, you won’t believe it. So just promise me you’ll take this all one step at a time. Okay?”  


 

Anakin nodded and grinned, a genuine smile, at his Master.

 

Obi-Wan bit his lip. “Come on then.” He walked inside and Anakin followed.

 

* * *

 

To say that Padmé Amidala was bored was an understatement.

 

She sat at the table, tapping her fingers off of the wood and looked to the corner. Luke and Leia were sleeping in the corner, having tired themselves out in what could generously be described as a garden.

 

She had nothing to do when they were asleep, a state of affairs that wasn't exactly uncommon to her in the past few years.

 

Padmé knew why she had to go into hiding. It was to protect her children from the Empire… from _him._

 

Of course she was very much willing to do so. She would do anything to protect her children, she loved them more than live itself. But that didn’t mean she had to be happy about it. She wanted nothing more than to be out in the front lines of the Rebellion, fighting for the Republic she championed. She knew that one day, she and her children would be. But for now, all she got were the occasional updates from Bail and Mon.

 

At least she had Obi-Wan. She was surprised when he had agreed to come with her but was happy for the company. She knew, deep down, that he was probably just doing it so he could train Luke and Leia in the Force when the time came. But she hoped that she was something to do with it. That she was as dear a friend to him was he was to her.

 

The two lived a relatively quite life out in the deserts of Tatooine in a tiny house, doing as little as possible to draw attention to themselves. The locals knew little about them, but seemed to assume that ‘May Naberrie’ and ‘Ben Kenobi’ were an item. Obviously that wasn’t true, but both were happy to let them believe the lie in order to avoid the truth getting out.

 

Obi-Wan stayed relatively quite, spending a lot of his time meditating which amused the children to no end. While neither talked about what happened, she could tell that he in particular was trying to bury his own feelings deep inside.

 

One night he broke down and confided to her how little he was over it. His walls crumbled and he tearfully admitted, “ _I loved him too”_ and “ _He haunts my dreams.”_

 

She supposed she had known the entire time, but to actually hear it from someone who was usually so guarded about these types of things was like whiplash. All she could say was, “I feel the same.”

 

It’s not like it mattered. The next day they seemed to pretend it never happened anyway.

 

Padmé tried not to think about _him_ but every once in a while she’d see him in Leia’s smile or Luke’s eyes and have to sit down.

 

_Why did things have to turn out this way._

 

Luke and Leia where the only light in her life, and she knew at this point she’d probably go insane without them.

 

If she couldn’t fight for the Republic, she could at least fight, here, for them.

 

Her angels.

 

She looked over at them sleeping and gave a little smile, but was snapped back to life at the sound of footsteps.

 

Two sets of footsteps.

 

Had Obi-Wan brought someone with him?

 

Or was it…?

 

_Oh no._

 

It couldn’t be. 

 

The Empire.

 

They couldn’t have found them!

 

But she knew they probably could.

 

Padmé stood up and walked slowly towards the box where she kept a blaster.

 

_If they think they can take my children, they are mistaken._

 

However, before she could get it, the door flew open.

 

She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

 

It was just Obi-Wan.

 

But… _who did he have with him?_

 

Obi-Wan gestured to whoever was outside to wait and closed the door.

 

“Obi-Wan!” Padmé said, “I’m so glad it’s just you! I was worried that…”  


 

“…The Empire had found you?” Obi-Wan finished for her.

 

 “Yes.” She spoke lamely.  


 

Obi-Wan suddenly tensed up and stuttered, “Padmé… I brought home a guest.” He looked down at the ground. “Oh, it was probably a terrible idea, but… Padmé I have very good reason to believe that actually…” he didn’t know what to say, “…Just see for yourself.”

 

He opened the door and a man walked in. 

 

Padmé’s hands clasped her mouth and her eyes bulged. 

 

No.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

_Was Obi-Wan insane?_

 

Had he really brought _him_ here?

 

Had _he_ taken him prisoner?

 

Padmé felt like she was going to drown. The man she hadn’t seen in five years. The man she loved, now a monster.

 

She looked at him. Really looked at him, no matter how much it hurt.

 

She was shocked by what she saw.

 

He definitely looked five years older. His face seemed more angular, his hair had grown even longer, more scars covered his face.

 

But the way he looked at her.

 

He seemed surprised. Surprised and happy.

 

He looked at her the way he did when they first reunited all those years ago.

 

But that was impossible.

 

She didn’t know what to say.

 

_Ani?_

 

In the end, he said “Senator Amidala? You’ve grown… more beautiful. For a senator I mean.”

 

_Well, he certainly sounded like Ani..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Anidala reunion begins!
> 
> This wasn't meant to be the Padmé-introspection chapter but that's how it turned out. I was trying to clear up Padmé and Obi-Wan's current situation.
> 
> Emotionally neither are in a very good place.
> 
> Will Padmé accept Ani as, well, Ani?
> 
> Will he talk like a doofus with a crush?
> 
> Will she slap him?
> 
> Will Obi-Wan still have a big gay hard-on?
> 
> Will I stop using too many ellipses?
> 
> Find out... if I ever get around to writing Chapter 3.


	3. sleight of hand and twist of fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin discovers the painful truth.

Padmé felt as though her world was spinning around her.

 

There, in the middle of her house, stood Darth Vader.

 

_Anakin Skywalker?_

 

No, that was impossible.

 

Padmé couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything. Anakin seemed to pick up on the obvious tension, as he was looking down to the ground, kicking his feet.

 

Thoughts rushed through the former senator’s head. _How dare he be here? How dare he? After all he has done!_

 

At that moment, anger overtook fear and sadness and she stormed over to him, slapping him the face. He stumbled back placing a hand to his cheek, wincing in pain. Obi-Wan didn’t say anything. Anakin looked over at the woman he had had a crush on for so long, unable to process what was going on.

 

_Why is Padmé here? Why did she hit me?_

 

He was about to say something, but any words died in his throat when he noticed tears running down her cheeks.

 

_Oh Force! What’s wrong with her?  
_

 

“You!” she hissed, “Why are you here?”  


 

Anakin didn’t say anything.

 

“You monster!”

 

Silence.

 

“After everything you did, you think you can just show up here? What do you think, that I’m going to take you back?”  


 

_We were together?_ Anakin felt a breath pang of joy, followed by a wave of heartache. _Were._

 

“Or maybe you’re just here to kill us, finish the job!”

 

Finally, Anakin’s confusion reached boiling point.

 

_The robes. ‘Darth’._

 

He had a sinking suspicion he knew what it all meant, but didn’t want to admit it.

 

He cried out, “What do you mean, kill you? Why would I kill people I care about?”

 

She let out a bitter, choked up laugh. “You know.”  


 

Finally Obi-Wan interjected. “Padmé, I think he may not.”

 

She looked at him and mouthed _what?_

 

He continued, “I think Anakin here may amnesia. He says he cannot remember anything past Ansion.”

 

“And you believe him?” she snapped. Padmé wanted so desperately to believe it to be true, but was not about to get her hopes up. “He could be lying to us! Tricking us!”

 

Obi-Wan sighed. “I know it seems unlikely. But close your eyes. Feel. I’m sure even a non-Force Sensitive such as yourself could pick up on the change from last time…”  


So Padmé focused, and, sure enough, Obi-Wan was right.

 

Anakin’s presence was always strong, even to one as weak in the Force as herself. She was sure, to a ForceSensitive it felt suffocating. 

 

Last time it felt of both the pain of the fires of Mustafar and the emptiness of a black hole. It felt of the smell of death and the heat of destruction. Of anger, and desperation, and _suffering_. Most of all it felt broken apart, shattered like glass, devoid of any real feeling beyond the feeling of hatred.

 

This time though, this time it felt of youthful exuberance and intoxicating passion. It felt of the swirling stars of a universe waiting to be explored. It felt of rivers, and fires, and lakes, and suns, and moons, and _everything._ It felt as thought there was an undercurrent of pain and confusion at the loneliness of life, but still a joy and a caring and a _love,_ love for the two people he was with. It felt like the entire galaxy inhabiting one body, one body she was shocked didn’t crumble under the weight ( _oh wait, it did)._ But most of all, it felt as though all this emotion that had been painfully removed last time had been stitched back together, as though all those years had been lost.

 

She forgot that this was how he felt, to anyone who choose to feel it. Obi-Wan certainly seemed almost dizzy.

 

_Maybe he really cannot remember…_

 

He looked at her as though he was 19, but still, while the wife in her wanted to kiss him, the Senator in here wanted to hiss _lier._

 

In the end, a little bit of both won out.

 

“I want to believe this… but… how can a trust a Sith Lord?”  


Padmé instantly knew that she shouldn’t have said that, because suddenly the Vader-Anakin-Demon-Angel-Man-Child was stumbling back, eyes wide in horror.

 

He began chanting _nonononononono,_ looking as though he was going to be sick.

 

His heart was on fire, his head yelling, _Sith Lord? No, that’s impossible!_

 

For the first time that day, he reached down for his lightsaber, and when he did, he suddenly felt as though he had been transported away from that little hut in Tatooine, phantoms of the past haunting him.

 

_Is it possible to learn this power?_

 

_Not from a Jedi._

 

_So love has blinded you?_

 

_Henceforth you shall be known as Darth Vader._

 

_Thank you, my Master._

 

_Love won’t save you, Padmé, only my new powers can do that._

 

_You’re breaking my heart, you’re going down a path I can’t follow!_

 

_I love you!  
_

 

_Liar!_

 

_You turned her against me!_

 

_I have failed you._

 

_You underestimate my power._

 

Fire surrounded him, suffering. He knew these words where his, these visions his lost memories. But he couldn’t accept that, he couldn’t believe it.

 

_I hate you!_

 

_I loved you._

 

Finally, with those words echoing, he was back on Tatooine. Both Padmé and Obi-Wan were staring at him, as he was panting, sweating. He realised he had been screaming.

 

Padmé could only think one thing as she saw the pained look in his eyes.

 

_I believe him._

 

Anakin then took off his black glove with a shaky hand, shocked to see the Mechno-arm underneath. Suddenly the feeling of metal instead of flesh that he must’ve been blocking out overwhelmed him.

 

Even a piece of himself was gone.

 

What had he done in these past few years?

 

_I’ve become a monster. No wonder Padmé was so scared._

 

He looked behind his erstwhile friends and finally noticed the two children sleeping in the corner. 

 

_Are they…?_

 

He looked at Padmé who shakily said, “We were married. They are our children..”

 

Anakin was overwhelmed.

 

He had married Padmé, only to betray the Order and become a Sith Lord, slaughtering innocents, destroying freedom and leaving the only two people beyond his Mother that he truly loved to go into exile, with the children he never knew.

 

It was like a dream and a nightmare rolled into one.

 

Sharp pain overwhelmed him, and, unable to bare the consequences of his future… _past_ actions he suddenly dashed towards the door and slammed it, leaving a stunned Obi-Wan and Padmé in the middle of the room. 

 

Luke and Leia somehow slept through all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That chapter went in a completely different the direction than I was planning.
> 
> Now that that heavy shit's over next time prepare for more heavy shit!
> 
> Anakin get's more memories back, meets Luke and Leia and actually talks it out with Obi-Wan and Padmé (shippiness hopefully starts).
> 
> He's in a really bad place tho.


	4. I've forgotten what I started fighting for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin must deal with the ramifications of love...

After Anakin’s breakdown and subsequent leaving, Obi-Wan quickly went to go and find him, only to find a weight against the door.

 

It seemed he hadn’t ran away after all.

 

“Anakin…?” he reluctantly said.

 

No answer.

 

“Anakin… come inside.”

 

Nothing.

 

Obi-Wan knew why Anakin didn’t want to see them; he was guilty, and worried that he would make them uncomfortable - not that that wasn’t true, but Obi-Wan certainly didn’t want Anakin to know that. This Anakin wasn’t the one that turned to the Dark Side, this Anakin wasn’t the one who broke Padmé’s heart, this Anakin wasn’t the one that tried to kill him. 

 

He looked like it, and to he and Padmé they still saw it every time they looked at him, but he _wasn’t._

 

_And that was what hurt._

 

How were they supposed to deal with this situation? They wanted to comfort Anakin - for Force’s sake the man was _broken,_ but they weren’t sure if they could bring themselves to.

 

Obi-Wan turned to Padmé frowning, and the two just stood at the door waiting to see what Anakin would do next.

* * *

 

 

The sun beat down from the sky onto the desert below, a perpetual state of affairs in Tatooine. Anakin always hated this planet - the scum, the villainy, the _sand_.

 

He could see why Obi-Wan and Padmé would choose to hide here. After all, why would Anakin come back to a place that caused him such pain?

 

He wondered about his Mother. How was she doing? He could feel the niggling of a painful memory but blocked it out; he didn’t want to know right now. He didn’t want to feel anything. Anakin sat against the door, head buried in his knees, building up enough mental shields to close himself inward, block out everything. He didn’t want to feel the pain coming from the house and he didn’t want to feel his own self-loathing. He simply wanted to _go away._

 

He sat like that for Force-knows how long. He was in such a trance that he didn’t hear Obi-Wan’s occasional calls, but even that was not enough to stop the visions from replaying in his head. _Stop please, stop!_

 

It wasn’t until eventually the door flew up with a heavy force and he was sent flying across the ground that he looked up, eyes bloodshot. 

 

Padmé stood at the door.

 

He attempted to flee. After all, she was an angel and he was a demon. Why would she want to near him, after the pain he’d caused? 

 

But before he could anywhere she grabbed his hand.

 

“Let go!” he wailed.

 

“No.”

 

“Please!”  


 

“Ani…” her tone was sombre, “I… I…” For once she didn’t know what to say. “You need to stay.”

 

It was amazing how quickly she could go from panicked to composed.

 

“But I can’t! I’m a menace!” his voice cracked.

 

“That wasn’t you! That was some twisted version of you.” Her eyes were brimmed with tears. “Anakin… we can make things right. Darth Vader is gone and we can make sure he never comes back. You don’t want to live through those visions again, do you?”  


 

He nodded, _no_.

 

“Neither do I. I always said there was still good in you, but maybe it would have never came out again. But now… now we have a second chance. You no longer feel of the Dark Side, even I can tell!”  


 

Anakin looked at her. “But I’ve always been a mess.” He laughed bitterly.

 

“And we can _fix you._ You don’t remember it, but when we were married I always tried to deny anything was wrong. But now… now I can do the right thing, we all can. We need each other,” she reached out a hand, “Please?”

  
  
He clasped it and then looked at her with wonder. “Married… I just can’t believe it. Where there good times?”  
  


“The best.”

 

“I suppose I must’ve made some good decisions, getting _you._ I never stopped thinking about you.” 

 

“I know,” she rolled her eyes.

 

“Can we maybe try again? The whole, husband-and-wive thing? Or am I being too quick about it?” he asked awkwardly.

 

Padmé giggled, “Trust me, it’s not too quick. But maybe… we can take everything a little slower this time… talk more.”  


 

“We could take a million years, if I could get only one kiss from you.”

 

“You will…” she stuttered, “Just not yet.”  
  


 

“Of course.”

 

Padmé suddenly glanced behind Anakin and then said, “It seems someone else wishes to speak to you.” She pointed to Obi-Wan. “I’ll just leave you alone.”  


 

Before Anakin could say anything, she’d gone back into the hut and he stood facing Obi-Wan.

 

The silence was deafening.

 

“Anakin…” Obi-Wan walked slowly towards his former Padawan, only to be greeted by a bone-crushing hug.

 

“Oh Sith, Master, I’m so sorry. For everything…”

 

Obi-Wan froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around Anakin. “It wasn’t you,” he smiled weakly. “Even if it was, oh…” he sighed, “I’m much too tired to hold a grudge.” He freed himself of Anakin’s grasp and sat down in the sand, motioning for Anakin to do the same.

 

“Master,” Anakin said softly, hands in his lap, “In my vision… you said you loved me. Did that really happen?”

 

“Yes.”

 

To say Anakin was surprise would be an understatement. His last memories of Obi-Wan were of the stern mentor who hardly praised him, let alone said he _loved him._

 

Obi-Wan seemed to pick up on these thoughts, for he said, “Anakin, I've made many mistakes in my life, but none as big as ignoring your growing seduction to the Dark Side and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I never talked to you about how you felt, about your worries. I’m sorry if I seemed closed off and I’m sorry that I never told you I loved you.”

 

“It’s okay.” That’s all he could think to say.

 

They sat for a moment, while Anakin looked at the man beside him, dazed. _He really does love me… but… no… not in that way!_

 

If Anakin was honest to himself, his feelings for his Master went beyond platonic a long timeago. He’d had a crush on him for almost as long as he’d had one on Padmé, and like his feelings for Padmé, they didn’t seem likely to go away. 

 

But Obi-Wan would never be _in love_ with him. He saw him like a brother!  


 

_But you were so sure Padmé would only ever see you as a kid!_

 

Anakin was snapped out of his thoughts by Obi-Wan. “Y’know Anakin, you seem a lot more mature then I remember you being at 19.”

 

He laughed feebly. “Maybe a bit of 23 year old Anakin is in here.” He paused. “Master, I really am s-“  


 

“Stop.”

 

Anakin looked at him.

 

“We need to move on, we can’t just sit saying sorry forever if we are to do that.”

 

“Master, it’s not even been a day!”

 

Obi-Wan placed his head in his hands. “Oh Anakin, I don’t know! I don’t know how to feel about any of this. Maybe love has blinded me…”

 

_Love._

 

“Master… may I ask… how do you love me?”

 

Obi-Wan’s face burned red. “Anakin… I…”

 

“Master…”

 

  
“Okay…" Obi-Wan breathed out, deciding that if he was to be open with Anakin, he needed to be honest about his own feelings. "I’m in love with you.” One short sentence, set the delicate balance adrift.

 

Anakin’s heart froze.

 

_He couldn’t be!_

 

“M… Master… I…”

 

“You must hate me…”

 

Anakin looked at the man beside him. He looked of self-loathing and doubt. Anakin grabbed his hands. “No. I love you too.”

 

Obi-Wan was shocked. Shocked that, anyone, let alone _Anakin,_ could love him.

 

“It’s true. For years.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you could hang the moon…” he breathed.

 

It was only then that Obi-Wan picked up on something he should’ve noticed years ago. Anakin looked at him with the same love-struck look that he looked at Padmé with.

 

_How could I have been so blind? It could’ve saved a lot of heartache._

 

Anakin suddenly began to lean in, slowly closing his eyes and opening his mouth, tilting his head slightly.

 

Obi-Wan pulled away.

 

“Master… I…” 

 

“Please don’t call me that.” Obi-Wan whispered.

 

“Obi-Wan…”

 

“Please,” his voice grew weak, “Why did I ever tell you! What about Padmé…”  


 

Obi-Wan knew deep down that Padmé would be fine with it, encourage it even, but was still too scared to admit it.

 

“Please Obi-Wan,” his voice was low and breathy, “I need both of you. I’ll go insane if I don’t have both of you…” 

 

Obi-Wan flinched as he felt a pang of darkness.

 

“Please.” He was desperate. 

 

They were a mess that needed to be fixed and Obi-Wan knew that at the moment this was probably a bad decision. However, Obi-Wan also knew that he wanted this as much as Anakin. Finally, he began to lean in, when suddenly…

 

“Ow!” Anakin gave a yelp, placing his palm to his forehead.

 

The elder suddenly grew panicked. “Anakin, what’s wrong?"

 

“N… nothing. It’s just…” he paused for a moment, “Flashes, of memories, _feelings._ I couldn’t tell what was going on… but there was violence… war… friends… and a girl. Who was she, Master?”

 

Obi-Wan wasn’t prepared to get into the topic of the Clone Wars, so instead he simply said, “It was real, Anakin. I’ll explain it all later, I promise.”

 

Before they could say anything more though, the door opened. There stood a young girl, hands on hips, with dark hair tied up in childish buns and chestnut eyes that looked eerily like those of her mother.

 

Anakin knew this was his daughter.

 

“Obi-Wan,” asked Leia, “Who is this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, one of the twins says something!
> 
> That chapter came out much longer than I expected too and was basically just the shipping chapter.
> 
> I'm trying to find the balance between whiny 19-year-old Anakin, slightly more mature Clone Wars Anakin, and human trash ROTS Anakin.
> 
> Yay! ObiAniDala! They're probably rushing into this, but let's be honest they need it.
> 
> Also BPD!Anakin is basically canon and as such I'm trying to relfect that. Dude needs love! Everyone just needs to deal with it in a better, healthier way, because trust me, EVERYONE was sort of in the wrong in ROTS.
> 
> So, next time, the kids are all right...


	5. Artwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a chapter! Sorry to anyone who thought it was. Ch 5 is in the process of being written. 
> 
> Rather, I HAD to post this awesome piece of artwork my best friend Shannon did for this fic!

The Official Cover for _'am I only dreaming?'_ by [AAML-TAML](http://aaml-taml.tumblr.com/post/140654255575/kris-amethyst-seeing-as-youre-sick-ill-just-post)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it so much I had to give it a full chapter! :D It's beautiful.
> 
> She's the best, I adore her <3
> 
> Anyway, regular updates will assume tomorrow! I'm off school sick, so I'll probably get a good bit done!


	6. takes me away to that special place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As night falls, Anakin talks to his loves.

Children were fascinating creatures.

 

Obi-Wan certainly thought so. They always seemed to find the least-opportune, or perhaps, most-opportune, depending on your point of view, time to interfere. They almost seemed like tiny puppet masters - pulling the strings while acting innocent.

 

Leia was definitely inquisitive.

 

She got it from her Mother; always asking questions, always second guessing. Yet her passion and stubbornness somehow showed shades of the Father she never knew. Not even six, yet already more cynical than her wide-eyed brother. He supposed Luke’s optimism came from Padmé as well; always looking for the best of humanity, seeing the good in people. 

 

They truly were their parents children - they even looked the part. 

 

Of course Obi-Wan’s influence was not lost either, and they both looked up to ‘Uncle Ben’ greatly. 

 

Which is why Leia was cautious about this new stranger.

 

Strangers didn’t come to her house. So why was this one talking to Ben?

 

Anakin had a look of horror on his face. As though the past view days hadn’t been taxing enough; waking up five years older and finding out you got married to the girl of your dreams only to commit crimes against humanity, now he had to deal with the children whose lives he’d ruined.

 

He almost chuckled at the thought of ending up saddled with kids at 19, but then he remembered that he wasn’t 19, he was 27.

 

The girl was beautiful like her Mother and he already knew he didn’t deserve her, or her brother. Two children, who he was sure were wonderful, stuck with a mess like him.

 

He wished Obi-Wan never found him at that crash.

 

_No you don’t! You need him. You need her. You need them. Needneedneedneed…._

 

“…are you okay?”

 

The girl snapped him out of his trance. He realised that he’d been clutching his head like a madman. 

 

“I’m fine…?” He didn't know her name.  


 

She seemed to pick up on this. “Leia.” she said.

 

_Leia._

 

“Hi Leia,” he stammered, “I’m, uh, Ani!”

 

“Ani Lars.” Obi-Wan interjected.  


 

_Lars?_

 

“He’s a dear family friend.”

 

Leia seemed to except the explanation and nodded. She then turned to Ani and said, “Are you coming inside, Mr. Family Friend?”

 

“…Sure.”

 

Why was he doing this? He would just ruin their lives.

 

_Oh yeah, 'cause you can’t stand to be alone._

 

The trio walked inside, only to be greeted by a smiling Padmé and her beaming son.

 

“Luke!” called Leia.

 

_Luke. Light._

 

“This is Ani… Ben says he’s a family friend!”

 

_‘Ben?’_ Anakin mouthed and Obi-Wan mouthed back, _‘Later.’_

 

“Hi Ani!”

 

Force, Luke looked just like him.

 

“It’s nice to meet you!” Luke said.

 

“Nice to meet you two,” Anakin said, “Both of you.”

 

_I want to hold them and never let them go._

 

“Luke, Leia,” Padmé said, “Why don’t you go into your room? We need to have some grown-up talk.”

 

The two children said “Okay!” and ran into the cramped bedroom.

 

Padmé sat down at the table, head in her hands.

 

“It seems like only yesterday to me that I was bickering with Barriss on Ansion. Now I have two kids!” his laughter died after a brief moment. “They are like angels.”

 

“They’re wonderful,” Padmé said.

 

The setting sun shone the room in a brilliant orange. Anakin looked at Obi-Wan and Padmé and began to notice little things about them.

 

Both looked older than he remembered, obviously, but they both also looked more _worn._

 

Obi-Wan had only become more handsome with age, yet had clearly been affected by the heat. A slight sun-burn coated his skin as did small freckles. His hair and beard were long and shaggy, with specks of grey coming through and his Jedi robes looked more like rags.

 

Padmé, of course, had lost any of the puppy fat of her teenage years and aged into a graceful woman, looking beautiful even in a simple, Tatooine style dress with her hair cascading down in messy curls. However her hair also had a dry, scraggily appearance and she had heavy bags under her eyes.

 

Both had smiled at him, but those smiles looked as though they required great effort, as though it was something neither did much anymore.

 

_Yes, and that’s all your fault. Allyourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault._

 

“Anakin!”  


He turned his head to Padmé and noticed he’d dug his metal fingers too deep into his flesh arm, drawing blood.

  
“What?” he asked.

 

“We were just saying that we want you to stay here, with us.”  


 

Before either Padmé or Obi-Wan could comprehend what was going on, Anakin had dashed over to them, grabbing both of them, sobbing. “Oh thank you! Thank you!” 

 

_I couldn’t live without you…_

 

Both tried to sooth him, and they just sat like that for a while.

 

Eventually Anakin calmed down, and asked “The children?”

 

“We want them to know their Father…”

 

Anakin was surprised. “Really? Why?”

 

_I don’t deserve it,_ were the unspoken words between them.

 

“Anakin, they’ve always wanted a Father and you need this…”

 

_Besides, I hate to think what you’d do if we didn’t let you._

 

Padmé banished the thought.

 

Anakin rubbed his eyes and smiled weakly.

 

“What are going to do now?” asked Obi-Wan, “I mean, this changes everything…”  


  
“Tomorrow,” was all Padmé said.

 

By now the setting sun had faded, leaving the dark sky, speckled with lights. The room was now covered in deep blue hues, faces barely lit by the stars.

 

Padmé stood up and wandered towards the bedroom, looking in. “They’re asleep again.”

 

“ You can sleep with Luke and Leia,” Obi-Wan said, “Anakin can have the single bed out here.”

 

“What about you?” Anakin asked.

  
“I’ll find something…”

  
  
“No, you’ll share with me!” he all but yelled.

 

Padmé nodded and closed the door, leaving the two men alone.

 

Soon Anakin and Obi-Wan were tangled in each other on the glorified camp bed. Anakin ran his hand through Obi-Wan’s hair.

 

“Could you stop that?”  


 

“Sorry Mas- Obi-Wan…”

 

They were silent for a moment before Anakin asked, “Obi-Wan?”

 

Obi-Wan hummed.

 

“Will you please tell about everything that happened?”  


 

“I promise you I will Anakin. Just not right now, I want to sleep.” 

 

“Okay…” Anakin muttered, “Night…”

 

“Goodnight Anakin.”

 

Anakin’s gaze turned to Obi-Wan who had quickly fallen asleep from exhaustion. The starry nights sky lit him in a haunting blue, his long hair tangled in his face. Anakin had always thought he looked unbearably handsome. He pulled himself closer to his former mentor, listening to his soft breathing, before falling into a nightmarish sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems to me as though both everything and nothing happened in that chapter!
> 
> Sorry for the break! I actually had this one finished on Tuesday but outside circumstances prevented me from uploading it until now. Hopefully the next one will be up a lot sooner.
> 
> Next time, Anakin deals with nightmares, finds out more about the Clone Wars and bonds with the kids! 
> 
> Hopefully the actual plot will kick in soon (let's just say - Palpatine).


	7. in your closet, in your head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin learns more about the changed Galaxy.

Anakin woke suddenly to the sound of screams.

 

It was only after a moment that he realised that those were his screams.

 

He tried to calm himself down, eventually realising that both Obi-Wan and Padmé were sitting on the edge of the bed, highly concerned looks on their faces.

 

He breathed heavily trying to get the images of his nightmares out of his head.

 

“Ani?” Padmé asked, reaching out and holding his hand, “Are you okay?”  


 

“I-I’m fine,” he stuttered. “B-bad dream, that’s all.”

 

“That’s all?” said Obi-Wan, panicked. “You screamed as though you were in pain! Was it-“ he stopped, unable to force the words out of his mouth- _Mustafar?_

 

Anakin just said, “It was that day.”

 

Padmé looked at him, worry in her eyes. “No wonder you sounded so afraid.” _I still sometimes have nightmares like that myself._

 

A sudden thought crossed Anakin’s mind and his voice grew more fearful. “Luke? Leia?” _Did I scare them?_

 

“They’re very worried…” was all she said. 

 

Suddenly Obi-Wan stood up and said, “I’ll go and talk to them,” leaving the room. 

 

He left Anakin alone with Padmé, who asked him, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

He just nodded, _no._

 

“Okay,” she all-but-whispered. “Do you want to be left alone..?”  


 

“No!” he suddenly yelled. “Stay with me.”

 

She flinched slightly. before saying “Alright. The children like sleeping beside Obi-Wan anyway.”  


 

Soon the quietness had returned to the house once more, with Anakin the only one still awake. He wouldn’t let himself go back to sleep, afraid of what he would see, so instead he just sat, looking out the window, savouring the feeling of a sleeping Padmé in his arms.

 

A voice filled his head, another forgotten memory.

 

_"I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. I truly... deeply... love you and before we die I want you to know."_

 

He sighed.

* * *

By the time morning came, and the others were sitting at the small table eating breakfast, Anakin took the time to slip into the bedroom. It was small and cramped, with a very old looking double bed, a single plant on the window sill, a cupboard and a chest. But what stood out the most to him was the mirror. It was small and broken around the edges, but it was still a mirror. Handheld, with a round frame, painted in gold with pink flowers, the word _Naberrie,_ written in elegant handwriting at the top. He reluctantly lifted it up and, for the first time since his crash, looked at his face.

 

His hair had grown darker and longer, his face more rugged and covered with jagged scares. His eyes were still blue but with a darker aura to them. He could hardly recognise himself. 

 

He supposed he hadn’t been himself for a long time.

 

 " _Henceforth you shall be known as Darth… Vader…"_

 

Hearing that voice caused him to shudder.

 

_Palpatine._

 

All evidence pointed to that part of his vision indeed being true. _Palpatine is a Sith Lord._

 

The suddenness of the betrayal, to him anyway, stung like the Nine Corellian Hells. A man he’d looked up to like a father for years had been working to manipulate and control him the entire time.

 

He felt like a fool.

 

His sadness turned into a sudden exploding anger. _Everyone’s out to use me, to trick me! Palpatine turned me into a demon for his own gain, even the Council only accepted me because they thought I was the Chosen One. No one really cares about me! Even Padmé and Obi-Wan probably don’t really love me - why would they? It’s not fair!_

 

He began punching a wall, but stopped once he saw his face in the mirror which lay, hurled on the ground.

 

_His eyes were yellow_

 

That was impossible! It didn’t make any sense! He had to be seeing things.

 

_The Dark Side._

 

A sudden surge of fear ran through him and he fell onto the bed.

 

“Are you okay?”  


 

Anakin looked up. It was Luke.

 

The boy didn’t seem scared, so his eyes were probably back to normal.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

 

Anakin snapped back to reality and answered, gasping for air, “I’m fine.”

 

“Mom and Ben seem really worried about you.”

 

_They do love you, idiot. But what if…?_

 

He pulled his mind elsewhere, and asked, “Why do you call him Ben?”

  
  
“That’s his name.” Luke said, matter-of-fact.

 

Anakin shook his head, “No, he’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.”  


 

Luke seemed confused.

 

“Ask him,” Anakin said.

 

Luke wandered over and sat down beside the man, asking, “Who are you?”

 

“Ask your Mother.”  


 

The sat in silence for a moment, before Anakin asked, “What do you and your sister do?”  


 

“We mostly just play together, around the house.”  


 

“Do you know any other kids?”

  
  
“Not really.”

 

“Have you ever been to Mos Espa?”  


 

“No. Mom says it’s dangerous.”

 

Anakin knew Mos Espa was a sleazy, dangerous place, but he presumed that that wasn’t why Padmé was afraid, but rather, the looming possibility of Palpatine’sEmpire.

 

“I grew up there, y’know.”

 

Luke seemed surprised. “Really?”

 

“Yep. Until Master Qui-Gon found me and allowed me to begin my Jedi training.”

  
  
“What’s a Jedi?”

 

Anakin was stunned. _What’s a Jedi?_ Everyone knew what a Jedi was! _Didn’t they?_

 

Did the Empire really wipe out all remaining memory of the Jedi?

 

“Maybe I’ll tell you later,” was all Anakin could say.

 

Suddenly Padmé came into the room. “Luke, why don’t you go outside and play with Leia? I need to talk to Ani.”

 

“Okay!” grinned Luke.

 

Padmé then placed her hands on his hips and said, in a concerned tone, “And remember, don’t…”  


 

“..go down the hill. Got it Mom!” He ran outside, leaving Padmé to look at Anakin, who sat on the edge of the bed, twiddling his thumbs.

  
“Ani,” she asked, “What were you talking about?”

  
  
“Oh, y’know, this and that…” his voice grew more serious, “…Padmé, why didn’t he know what a Jedi was?”

 

Padmé’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape and she sat down beside him. “Ani… when the Emperor wiped out the Jedi, he did a very thorough job. A few still live… Yoda, Shaak Ti, Obi-Wan, and probably more we don’t know about… but most of the Order is gone.”

 

Anakin vaguely remembered storming the Temple and shuddered. “But, how could the people accept this?”

 

Padmé sighed, “The Emperor tricked the Senate and the people into thinking they were murderous traitors.”

 

“What?” Anakin yelled, “That’s…”

 

“Nonsense I know.”

  
  
Anakin was at a loss. “Sure, I didn’t agree with the Order on some things, but they aren’t traitors to the Republic! He’s the traitor!”

 

“I know. Most believe the Emperor and those that don’t are too afraid to speak up. We haven’t told Luke and Leia of the Order yet, we are waiting until they are older and we can join the Rebelli-“ Padmé froze, when she noticed Anakin was sobbing. “Ani?”  


 

“How could he?”

  
  
She knew who he was talking about.

  
  
“How could he trick me?” He stopped and gave a soul-crushing laugh. “I suppose it’s my fault, I’m a weak-minded, traitorous fool.”

 

Padmé didn’t know what to say that would be of comfort to him without lying to herself, so she just held him. 

 

They sat like that for a long time, before he recovered. Eventually, after the last few sobs, Anakin stood up and said, “I’m going to ask Obi-Wan something.” He walked into the main room, and she followed.

 

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan looked up form his cup, “I heard you. You seemed upset… I was going to come in, but I didn’t know what to say, an-“  


 

“It’s fine,” Anakin interrupted him, “Mas- Obi-Wan…” he paused, “I know you don’t want to talk about what happened. I understand… I don’t really want to either. But, I have to know. Who was that Togruta girl?”

 

Obi-Wan looked up to Anakin, a wistful look in his eyes, and said, “Her name is Ahsoka Tano. She was your Padawan.”

  
  
“My… Padawan?” Anakin couldn’t believe it. _I had a Padawan?_

 

“You should just know that you were a very good Master, Anakin. She loved you.”

 

Suddenly, a horrid thought crossed his mind. “Is she…?”

 

“No!” Obi-Wan all but yelled, shaking his hands, “She left the Order before… then. Last I heard she was still alive.”  


 

Anakin gave a weak smile and then sighed. He wished he could still remember his time with her. It was the one thing he wasn’t glad he forgot.

 

Eventually, Anakin spoke once again. “Padmé, Obi-Wan. How do you survive here? Like… how do you get food?” He was curious.

 

“Oh,” Padmé spoke, “I work occasional odd jobs in Mos Eisley. Helping out in shops and the like. Just enough to get by…”

 

He could tell by her voice that she wished she was doing much greater things. 

 

“Padmé,” he asked, a sudden thought crossing his mind “Is anyone fighting the Empire?”

 

“There are Rebels,” she said. “Bail and Mon are working to link them into an Alliance.”  


 

“Why aren’t you two helping?” It came out a lot more harsh sounding than he intended.

 

“We want to, but… we needed to keep a low profile to avoid Palpatine,” _and you_ was left unspoken, “From finding us… finding Luke and Leia.”  


 

“He wants their power, they are greatly Force Sensitive. Almost as much as you.” Obi-Wan elaborated.  


 

“One day, we will join them,” Padmé said, with a hint of hope in her voice, “But for now it isn’t safe.”

 

Anakin had a lot more questions. _What happened to my Mother? Was there a War? How far is the Empire’s reach?_ But he decided to save them for later.

 

There was one last thing he wanted to ask. “Will we tell Luke and Leia that I’m their Father?”

 

He was confused when he received no answer. Even more so when he noticed Obi-Wan and Padmé’s shocked faces. Then he turned around, and…

 

_Oh no._

 

There were Luke and Leia.

 

They had heard everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exposition: The Chapter!
> 
> I wanted to get that shit out of the way.
> 
> Anyway, yes Palpatine and Ahsoka will both come into this soon (as well as a real plot). I'll try and bring in other characters too.
> 
> Next time, Luke and Leia talk to their Father, and, perhaps, the Empire will loom ever closer.


End file.
